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His Master’s Fart

– At last! We decoded it! After one hundred and sixty years of scientific researchers, we deciphered the voice from outer space!

Our radiotelescopes received this signal in 2222, and now we did it! We will be able to contact the Aliens. It is another giant step in humankind’s history. We created it. A lot of scientists, philosophers, or writers did not believe that our civilization will ever manage to accomplish this challenging task. But we fucking did it, Marc! We – the Americans! Here, in the SETI Institute, Mountain View in California.

– But George.

– Shut up and play this decoded shit! I want to listen to the voice of the Aliens!

– George, you won’t believe that.

– Am I supposed to not believe in Aliens? Over my dead body. I had been skeptical about all my life, and now when we hear THEM, you want to say that I will not believe in the life out there?

– George, it’s a fart.

– What?

– In this sound. We do not hear the sound of space or message from the Aliens. We hear a fart. Quite noisy.

– Play it once again. I cannot believe you…

 

Meanwhile in neighboring dimension, 100 000 light-years from the Earth:

– Hahahaha, did you see that, Commander? I did it for good fun. However, I did not want to try to scare them and cause a stir. I was bored during my stand guard. As a result, I sent humans the voice of their fart. I made this joke only for fun. Have you seen those scientists’ faces when they hear the fart? I can’t stop laughing.

– Ulnuk, you will get an official reprimand. Remember that United Dimension Organisation strictly forbids contact with undeveloped civilizations. It’s for their safety. We are obliged to save barbarian, underdeveloped and endangered species

Inspired by Lem

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