I consider every photograph, every photo walk, written text, published post, subsequent edition of “Diaries,” and collection of pictures as could be the last one.
Is that mean that I plan to commit suicide? Of course not. I aim to live more than one hundred years and to remain artistically prolific until the end of my life. So maybe that means that I am afraid of street photography? Am I frightened that someone can kill me on Warsaw’s streets? Nope. I think that there is a much higher probability that I would die in a car accident. I do not know why I sometimes contemplate every photograph, every photo walk, written text, published post, subsequent edition of “Diaries,” and collection of pictures as could be the last one. Perhaps, it is connected with contemplating life, death, and the passage of my existence, the passage of time. Indeed, sometimes I wonder which photograph and which text will be my last one. The point is that I don’t know it.
Moreover, sometimes I ask myself which edition of “Diaries” will be the last one published by myself.
Who knows, maybe someone will take care of “Diaries” and continue creating it and publishing it after my death? For today (I wrote this post on the 2nd of June, 2021), I do not know it. Still, I can imagine the “Diaries” edition prepared and published by myself and the second part, designed and published after my death. When I realize that I consider my every photograph, every photo walk, written text, published post, subsequent edition of “Diaries,” and collection of pictures as could be the last one, I visualize that I am a nostalgic person. For me, nostalgia has much in common with contemplating the life and death issue and analyzing the passing of time.
I suppose that I know why Zdzislaw Beksinski was recording practically everything that occurred in his house in Warsaw, including all possible weather outside, the car parking, and his collections of vinyl records.
I think that the Polish painter was also contemplating the time. By recording many things, he wanted to live forever, symbolically. Do I want to live forever? Undoubtedly, yes. How? In the memories of people who will analyze my photographs and read my texts.
